today..
.....
i am really really bored...
hmmm....

well.. i duno wad to blog leh..
hmmm.. dun wanna go to school...
cos got loads loads of stress...
dere's something on my mind...

ahh...
my ear still hurts like damn bad...
bleahs..
wadeva...
hmmm...

mummiee.. you know la... [winks]

hmm...

jEn... know tad you werent happy fer these few days.. yupp... cheer up kies... hmmm... smile.. :) isnt tad wad you always do.. dun think so much... miss ya..

DeE.. you know la.. dun cry so much kies... know you heart 'tong' but den... maybe you tell her how you feel.. things will be better.. it is better to tell how you feel den keeping inside.. before it is too late... tad's wad i learn... yupp... i'm always here... yea..? you can call me de...

MummIeE.. hi hi.. miss ya loads... yupp... hmm... know tad you are happy now.. i'm relived.. school is starting le fer you.. stress right..?? me will wait fer you after school lorz.. yupp... hmm.... you must study me must study too... sad sad... but i'm looking forward to da time where we can go out again!! together!!!

hmmm... ever since yesterday...
i finally found myself outta da chains of being damn depressed..
and tad means tad i can change da balck paper and throw it away..
black paper can always change...
like people.. :)

was really happy.. yupp...
was out wid wawa,bro,mummiee, nic and papa...
hmm... swallowed my duck rice like a mad person...
cos i poured all the sauce into it... damn... but it wasnt salty at all..

and i got this pretty star on my bag.. yupp... wawa bought it fer me..
hmm. damn lovely cos it is a star and it is white??
haas... but i scared it will be dirty... hmmmz... well.well... i duno la... yupp..
maybe i'll keep it or.. duno..

anyway.. my voice is still tad bad... bad bad.. - cries-
and i'm really really bored... gee... imagine how bored can i be..
thought tha start of 2004 is bad..
but i believe tad it is turning good...
cos it seem so... -smiles-

pierce my ear..
pain pain..
racheal went to 'box' it...
and damn it hurts...
ahhh...
and i duno how to hide frm da teacher if dey see me in da pierced ear...
we shall see..

super happy... lalala.. got stars in da night.. damn pretty.. really prettt.. so so pretty... like crsytals in da sky...

well.. today was pretty a shagged day though..
lyk gee...
wad's happening to this world man..
heard bout some stuff..
thought i will cry but ended laughing.. [ private joke :p]

today.. in all my tears and pain... at least i ended my day with joy and laughters..
but this wouldnt last.. cos it will come back after me...
i know it will...
it hurts..
and it causes pain...
brings tears...
tore me apart..

hmmm... i like pretty naughty.. took a test tube frm da chem lab..
know why.?? cos thinktad time da test tube was cute looking...
sorry..
i'm mad..
i want da boiling tube too..!!
da bigger version of da boiling tube.. [ like duh.. who duno?!?]
pls...

wad i heard today and wad i concluded..
was pretty much wad i did not expected to become..
who believe..??
my instinct?? my gut feeling.??
see.. i duno even know!!
dat is how confused you made me to be..
so screwed up dat now i only want to be happy...

hmm... finally .. i went to town wid jen, bro , babe and met sarah on da way...
hmmm.. went soba.. and ate this very very aweet red bean thingy.. it's nice.. but a'lil too sweet fer me..
den..... the funniest thingy is da comparsion on jen size and da size of her bowl noodles.. gosh.. so funny.. can like put her whole face in.. do 'facial' [jking]
yea.. den we went to cine.. and cant find jia wen in yoshi..
and... suddenly dat gal just pop out... and.. she is at yoshi 'mugging'..
haas.. i like dat doggie chain dat she has.. - winks- da long long one..

hmm...
back to wad i want to say..
think like da stress is piling up,
and i think i cant take it ..
even though it is only 5 days of school..
all da counting down in school is making me mad..

i'm pretty tired of dis life..

life is unfair... it has always been to me..
i'm used to it.. but i dun accept it..

eyes are tired.. tears went dry...
the wound never heals..
till the time comes...

tad's why i name my blog under simple silence..
cos i guess silence is better.
maybe tad's why i kept quiet and did not say and comment bout anything..
some people says silence is golden..
some people says that silence kills...
fer me.
silence is all tad i have in me..
i chose to be silence so tad i would be tackful..
but this is in me.. dat fails me to express verbally ..
i would be able only on paper and in my blog..
and dat sucks so much... no one likes it...

but whoever i wanna express to...
whoever that motivated me to go on..
it was just too late..
and all i have is puddles and bottles of tears.. dat's all i have now..

to mummiee and papa..
yeas.. finally you both are happy... i'm happy fer ya.. hope you oth work hard in your future.. mummiee.. you are not left out...i'm here always.. like i promised you.. i will be here...
papa.. sorry... next time..i will walk faster.. [ i try, no promises] take good good care of my mummiee..

to baby and daddiee..
baby.. dun think so much yea.. daddiee loves you and so do i... mei mei.. youa re da best le... you can always... make da best out of it yea... aint wanting to see ya cry anymore.. so daddiee.. you ah.. dun always squabble wid her and make my baby cry... hees..

hmm... another day has drifted away...

i felt tad my world crashed on me yesterday..
hmmm... was pretty afraid..
cried my way to sleep...
so i woke up with pretty swollen eyes.. [luckily it went off]

i woke up..
hoping it was a brand new day...
i woke up without my voice..
and once i open my mouth and talk...
da words came out like a dying chicken..
my frens were lyk saying..
just shut up la..
so i kept really really quiet..

hmm.. suddenly i felt so left out in this world..
lyk da world just kicked me out..
bleahs..
really thinking too much...

school was okay today...
it seem like time passed fast...
but...i felt damn lifeless..
so i acted as if i was damn excited..
all da work are coming in piles..
moods are swinging...
out breaking is coming.. [ cries]
and like i wanna tear up my books.. [jking]
i gotta study..
so aft school ...
met.. baby, daddiee, papa and mummiee... wid babe and zhen yeh yeh...
was really happy to see them...
met jia wen too.. haas... ness... andrea..
ness lost her voice too... - sob sob-
anyway... tad wasnt the main point..
my papa gave my mummiee 7 hearts in her medicine packet ..
and said dis.. ' deardear, this is your medicine fer da week. come back and take somemore...'
hmm.. was damn sweet...
and dat triggered me to cry..
thought i'll never cry le..
the brave front i put on was taken off by words..

actually told myself tad i'm not going to school...
was pretty sure and convince tad i'm not going to school..
but... in the end.. i'm going to school..
i duno why...
i need to study hard i guess...
time is gonna be hard.. but i think i will brave through it...

over and over again..

i tried so hard.. i tried so hard to see myself in the mirror and look..

this not me anymore...

the jovial and simple me was gone...

i fell and i fell..

i've tried and i've tried..

but when i'm scared...

i was tearing...

even the way back is blocked..

like wad am i suppose to say..??

i am small and it hurts to know da ugly self tad i'm...

well.. another day has past..

still.. i feel so awared bout the people around me..

feel so small... so easy to be ignore...

it wasnt a good start fer me at all..

i just duno why i feel like dat.. really..
so small so insignificant...
so tiny dat i just can hide all my pain and tears wid one smile..
behind dat is the ugly truth and the ugly me..
the ugly me wid all the bleeding scars and all the tormented tears tad had burned my heart.
tad's the ugly me and the ugly truth bout how ugly i am..
so scarred and so tainted and so fallen...

today.. school was a drag.. i was so tired...
but manage to pay attention [forcing a smile out :)]
so many lessons and yet so much to do...
i had like double maths and double a/cs and double chem..
wad a torture..
i wanna gif it all up.. like NOW!!
so much work tad i have to do if not it will keep on adding on..
so tired to even complete it..
but i will..
cos i promise..
damn.. wad a promise to keep..
like later of the day i was like stoning.. den ...
i think i will be stoning on my bed again... later...
anyway i always have nightmares tad cause me to be afraid to sleep.
frankly speaking.. i'm really scared..really really scared..
lost my voice again.. -pouts-
cant talk much .. people will ask me to shut up..
really cries.. i want my voice back...
forget it .. nothing goes always in out way...

[[but sometimes wounds are to open to be healed..
tears dropped are never meant to be taken back.
the ache in a person's heart can never be felt by anyone only the person itself.]]

another entry..

tomorrow i have to go school..

dun feel like going though.. but i have too...

anyway i cant even view my bloggiee..

today did not even meet anyone...

my papa was like uncontactable intil the later part of the day.. and she was in the 'dun wan to go out with tiffany' mood.. so sigh..

anyway...

today i spent my time stoning and rotting..
though bout things and really want to give up everything now..
just feel so insiginficant..
but...
dere's nothing i can do...

i got my voice back... as in better now.. yupp..
warched this show called 'borrowed hearts'..
super touching and super cute the show ..
watch it on channel 5...
simply loving..
watch till i cried..
hmmm...
read the letter and i cried...
dumb ass.. tad's me..

feel so so stupid.. once agian...
how can i stop making myself feel stupid and feel so retaded..?? :/
wad can i do to stop the tears..

hmmm,,, i am damn lame lorz.
hate myself..
hate myself..
hate myself..

every night.. i close my eyes..
i still have nightmares and still feel tad people are stabbing me in my sleep..
hate to feel this way and the way i even feel...
but the way i feel now i totally sucky can...
should stop feeling at all..
bleahs.. but silly me...
i'm a human and i do feel..
i do...