hmmm.. its 12.37pm... and i finally woke up !!!! where's joseph...?? she is suppose to come and find me... hmmm...

SORRY NIC!!! i wasn't in a right state of mind!!! dun call me my full name!! i really hate ppl callin me my full name!!


*let me guess* i slept bout 7 hours... hmmm... n i wan sleep more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am a pig!!! just like my daddiee..


Gee... i having dark rings le.. like i never sleep for real real long.. actually ya i never sleep for real real long lorz.. aiyo... den later i am going CLUBBING!!! alright!! have been waiting for this day to come since a long long time.. my daddiee can vouch that i have been yaking n yaking that i wanna go clubbing ...den they were like you siao or wad.. hiyo!!!!! today is gemma's birthday and i want to get something for her.. but wad..??? would she even want it from me...?? i duno lehz....

just another note... sorry.. cant sleep.. think someone is mad at me... hmmmpx... that's why i cant sleep... yupz...

i saw the 3 stars in a row again!!! ah!!! this is the 3rd time i saw that.. and it is like the 1st time i saw it was like the 8 of nov.. and i will remember that date.. that night the stars were so nice and so bright... you all should see it and check it out.. hees...


boy...i duno if i can go to sleep but i will try my very best to sleep... hmmmpx....

See what Care Bear you are.

did i just made someone unhappy by letting that someone see my face...??i really duno bout that..

i realise.. when i care for someone it's too late..


too late...


far too late...


is it..??

anyway to that someone.. a really big sorry... and i duno that... ...

i'm sorry..

Joseph is still having fever that she is like so cold.. poor thing... *sob sob* i duno wad to say...something she said that really is so touching.... [as in the words like not touching to me as in emotionally.. but anyone that hears this will think it is really sweet..]

this is how it goes...

if a gal comes up to you and say..
" Which one is more important.. Me..? or Your Life...?"
and you said " My life.."
but belittle she do not know that you are her life...

-squints- so sweet right...

today went to see aaronn, nic they all play soccer.. hmm..


NIC...*slaps* this is for you... tell you ah. dun exert force onto your knee... NOT GOOD at all.. cos of the pain that you cant bear.. and the hurt on your knee... you dun look good in pain... especially when you were yelling.. yups.. and remember to bring h20.. hahas...

Aaronn.. -grins- hmmm.. chill lahz.. remember to bring h20 and towel!!! hees... yupp.. you also dun hurt your ankle or wateva...

Dawn (dearie).. -hugx- hmmm i'm happy for you... can see that you are smiling within again... that's good.. dun be afraid or even scared of the problems.. anything you can tell us.. we all will help you along the way.. cos it is fate that brought both of you all back together again!! at my place some more.. hees.. that's good... yup yup....

Iverson... that's my grandpa..you also ah.. know i can count on you to give dawn happiness cos you are her happiness... yupz...

DAWN!!!! I think i'm like you..!!! BLOOD!!!!! ahhh... you get it dun you...?

i duno wad to say or wad to think at the moment.. dawn and iverson are back together....!!so happy for them.. yupz....the efforts paid off... dawn is so happy.. i can see... many things are bombing my brain and i tell you i cut.. yups.. i did...

i copy this from aaronn.. think she will think i am mad... sorry i'm bored!!!

A- Age: 16... haha.. hees.. like finally!!

B- Boyfriend: err..? that's like a no no thingy...

C- Chore you hate: hate wad...?

D- Dads name: kim chuan

E- essential make up item: eye shadow n lip gloss.. actually my make up kit.. but everything went missing as my dearie lost her bag..

F- favourite actor: hmmmx.. no prefrence lahz...

G- gold or silver: silver... i dun mind white gold though...

H- hometown: errr...??? singapore..???

I- instruments you play: piano... clarinet... guitar...

J- job title: as a student... hmmmx...

K- Kids: hmmm.. really depends... some of them are just really that adorable.....

L- Living arrangements: my home is rather quiet and everyone does their own things i would go watch tv at the living room or sleep.

M- Mom's name: ivy

N- number of people u've slept with: hmmmx.. interestting... yupz.. i slept with ppl o the bed.. like duh.. but sex.. hahas.. that madness...

O- overnight hospital stays: ermx... i think when i was a little gal..

P- Phobia: insects...

Q- quote you like: gee.. ' if excellence is possible , greatness is not good enough!' this is the best i can think of at the moment.. oppss...

R- regular drink: coke!!!

S- secret crush: since it is a secret den it shall be kept as a secret...

T- time you wake up: hmmmx.. 10 plus..

U- unique habit: like wad...? i duno..?

V- vegetable you refuse to eat: i dun like vegiee... except of long beans with egg...

W- worst habit: hmmmxx... i duno too... straving myself...

X- X-rays uve had:2!!! big big ones.. of my lungs...

Y- yummy food you make: Curry... my aunt taught me how too.. but it is a long long time!! and i know how to cook one..

Z- zodiac sign: scorpio..

last kiss: i duno leh... not of wad i remember... hees...

last good cry: hmmmx... friday.. or should i say saturday morning...

last library book checked out: inside out!!1 i took it from dawn!! and dawn took it from iverson...

last crush: hmmx.. i am not telling...

last phone call: my daddiee... (eL)

last tv show watched: ermx... i duno... let me think can... holland v 2 days ago...

last time showered: 1 plus in the wee hours of the day today...

last shoes worn: my heels...??

last cd played: some instrumental music.. to culivate myself to sleep.. Gee..

last item bought: hmmm...?? i cant rememer that....

last downloaded: super star by jamelia...

last annoyance: i duno... ermz...

last thing written: my complie book..

last sleep: at bout 2 plus in the morning!!

last chatted with: online.? i duno lehz..

last sexual fantasy: that's like a really opps.. i duno question....

last weird encounter: like wad..?? seeing UFOs..?? hmmmx...

last ice cream eaten: chocolate!!!!!.

last time amused: erms... i duno... let me think.. amused by someone that said stupid things....

last time wanting to die: was like just now...??.

last time in love: gee!! gosh!! tough question..!! hees

last time hugged: i duno... think quite long ago...

last time scolded: last night by my mummy..

last chair sat in: my chair that is in front of the conputer table...

last shirt worn: a orangey-yellow okey shirt

last poster looked at: hmmmx... i duno.. some poster that was stuck on my friends wall.. that her mum cant see that she stuck it there... it it not porn.. yupz...

last show attended: errr...?? i duno... some love show.. i forget the title.. but it was rather stupid and lame!!!

Have You Ever- s club

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away
Though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just want to change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel about you and me
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know
'Cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong
We should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I finally realise
It was forever that I found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know (I should know)
'Cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

I really want to hear you say
That you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away
Can't you see
I know the moment's gone
I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see (Oh)
That's the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know (I should know)
'Cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

hmm... today i am really tired and my mama was actually asking me why do i come home so late.. and is it cos i go clubbing and stuff... and i was pretty shock and irritated by it... so i sort of shouted at her... hmmmx.... really sorry... iverson and joseph are feeling better now.. and i am glad that they are feeling better.. yupz.. Gee.. got complained that i write in chunks and i like it this way lehz....

hmmm... another paragrah... i felt so cramp up though.. i am pretty screwed up and know wad..?? i think that i duno where am i going at all.. today zone meeting i did not go and siad i was sick... duno why i dun want to go... but i am sick too... hmmmx... think that i totally lose control over my life and i really wanna get back on track... i duno lehz.. i seem pretty weird and i am worried for dawn lehz... duno wad she is gonna do..? cut..? drink syrup..? pop pills..? that's why i really duno wad to say at all... tmr she coming down my place i think.. i must really look after her... if not really bad le... -squint- yup.. she is coming my place and i shall make sure that she must be okay.. talk to her on the phone and she sounded weak and drowsy...

life are so full of ups and downs... sometimes with friends that are useless who needs ememies... many times unknowlingly i hurt ppl and get hurt myself and ppl hurt me too...there are times when i really hope i can say a sorry.. as there are times i walked away without saying a goodbye...there are times where i just sat there and do nothing and that is worse den doing something..

hmmm... i am at home and i am really really dead tired...

i saw the true side of a bung yesterday.. see them like this causes my heart to ache.. not as in i love them but seeing them so painful cos of their love life.. really cos me to wonder whether the path down is right or wrong.. i wouldnt know at all..


so many things were stirred up and i was so fucking fustrated due to i duno wat to do or even say...!!! i am such a LOSER.. big time one...

when i got home i got so called scolded by my own dad and i really have to say.. i just shut up and keep quiet... i want my own dad to go out!!! ah!!!! dun want him to stay at home cos i dun wanna see his face.... ugh!! nvm.. i doubt he will though. i really duno...

i am like so tired and i ate 10 antibiote pills and i think sooner or later my body is goonna react and i will die... sometimes i wish i chld die.. hmmmpx.. wont lahz.. friday is gemma's birthday.. i'm thinking of gettign her something though she might hate me but it's her birthday and i think i should like give her something... but wad..???? let me think and guess... wad can i give her... hmmmx.. nvm i will settle myself ..

yupz... i got to go take care them now... and i really hope they will be okay..suppose to go out with densye one.. but now i cant and densye bring her sister go cut hair short short den can spike... eeekkk.... potential A!!! hmmmx... shall see her in school with her new hair.. or i shall see her maybe a day when i go densye house... yupz... really got to go... hmmmx...

hmmm... today is a public holiday and i am still at home!! like wad the ...

yeps.. later i am meeting my daddiee, mummiee they all at town i think.. i am super tired and i think i eat too much.. haha..

actually i like just got home around 3 plus .. cos i went playing pool... hees...-grins- not me play lahz.. i went to see them play pool... haha.. anyway.. i am thinking wad to wear to town can... cant believe it .. i am like everyday out and my own dad did not say anything.. i think he heck care and how would i know bout wad he is thinking.. i think i wouldnt wanna know...

hees... -yawns-i am still tired... but i cant sleep le.. i am meeting joseph at my house opposite the bus stop at 3.45 and now is like going to 3.30 and i havent bathe or even change!!!! gee...

......

......

...... and actually i was having tornveil practise one.. but i chose not to go cos i DUN want to.. to me now is ... i go for wad..??? like there is nothing i can say already.. they seem to be so happy without me there.. so be it den i wouldnt want to make myself unhappy as it is the holis and i shoulkd be happy... heehee...

i wanna sleep!!!! especially this type of weather i will be really happy to sleep.. but i cant lahz.. if not i will be really really real real late and the ppl that are waiting for me will kill me .. den ahahs... hmmm... so proud of myself... i never msg someone today.. though i was really tempted to msg but i think she wouldnt sms me back so wad's the point... hmmm... yesterday was baby wu's birthday... SORRY DENSYE!!!! SORRY I WASNT THERE TO SAY 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY" PERSONALLY TO YA... so i was like.. err... no commments i guess...

actually i was using my brother's phone cos my hp low batt den i read through some of his sms... hmm... damn mean right.. wasnt purposely one... heeheess... but nothing much at all.. actaully i did not even read much at all.. yupp.. never even read at all.. hahas.. cos if i do he will just kill me on the spot..

cos i duno wad's going on... hees... iverson ( which is my grandpa) is like sick still and she is working and i was like huh.. why are you still working.. duno lahz.. all of them think that their body is made up of metal one ... so i have no say in it.. think that silience is still the best.. so ya... i shall just be quiets... -grins- -smiles-

hmmm.... i am home.. i rename mua blog.. yep... hmmmx..

it was suppose to be wat's wrong with me but den now it is - simple silence- think this title seem be better... Gee... i duno wad's wrong that is with me.. i seem so tired now. and things seem like so complicating and i duno how to make a stand at all.. i am that stupid right..

Gee.. i really wonder if things will work out the way things we always want them to be.. but i really duno... haha.. i keep on saying i duno.. anyway... wednesday got combine zone meeting @ 3rd place and know wad.. i am not singing on stage ... okay..

i really duno wad the hell is happening but den is like cos of a mistake i wasnt able too.. and i cant say anything bout it at all... all i can do is just keep quiet and just shut up and i really dun think i wan to be bothered bout it.. i try really hard not to or even not to even think so much bout tornveil anyway cos they are not even bothered bout me so why should i care at all.. hmmmx... the feeling of being unwanted and unloved is not nice...

i once felt that.. but.... ..... ..... i am just too cold and hard within to even feel that anymore.. like wad i did yesterday... i sms someone and i really doubt she will reply... actually it is not a msg but i forwarded a good night sms and i guess she wont reply and guess wad.. she really did not reply at all.. though my heart seem to break and bleed.. but she wouldnt care... cos even when she see me ... she neva say a hi and i even think whether she knows that i even exsist...maybe to her i am just a slut or wateva she wanna think... ugh!!! FORGET IT!!! to me now..


my wounds in my heart is just slashed so deep that it is too hard to heal and even time has the solution to it... i think i will take a long long time and i really duno.. i cant cry anymore... i duno why...my tears bank is low and i am too tired in crying... sometimes i think me, myslef is like damn messed up and i really wanna start life all over again but den that's something really impossible at all... cos only a person only live for one life and if anyone think that it is possible to start over again... to some,it is possible.. but to me ... it is a no, no and never.. yupz... this life is not my parents fault but it is my fault... all is my fault.. isnt it...

i am worried for my daddiee [eL] hmmm.. think some ppl wanna settle things and i hope that she will be okay.. cos it is like not her fault at all and i really duno wad can i do to help her... but at least i am gonna be there for her.. making sure at least she is okay... know wad...isnt that wad a daughter suppose to do can.. so i must be good daughter and be guai yupz.... hmmmx... think i am like going off... sooon..... cos i think i am going out!!!! yeh!!!!

hmmmx... i just did my new bloggiee.. yeah.. hmmm tad means i'm not tad stupid after all..heez... hmm... i am not tad clever... just being 'bhb'...hmmmx.. i think im really screwed up ... really screwed up as in i'm damn messed up... heehee... am i..?? i duno... contridicting... im a oxymoron... i m freaked out!!! aHHhhHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! heez.... i wanna run away... to somewhere to lock myself somewhere!!!!and i dun see the point of me living...but i think that death cant help in anyway or another cos things will be more confusing.. yupz.. see i am contridicting myself again!!shit!! here goes.. think that the holidays are just really screwed up.. i did not plan it this way but it just seem that it became so screwed up and i really duno why lehz..?maybe cos if me lahz...actually the fact is the person that i really wanna kill is.... .... MYSELF... i duno why.. think i hate myself sos so much that i duno that i just felt like killing myself can..but i really want to kill myself.. i duno wad the hell is wrong with me and then my family is like crap too... my dad went hay-wired scolding us.. even though i duno wad the hell is wrong.. cant imagine that right.... hmmm... but no one is to blame all the hurts and pain that life brings... cos i am living in a cold world that i know that where i stand shows that i am not worth it at all...at all.. that how much i am not worth.... hmmmpx..